Can you introduce yourself- your name, where you come from, how you describe yourself?
Awe, my name is Allison-Claire Hoskins, I'm from the city of Johustleburg, Johannesburg, Jozi. I moved around in Joburg and Joburg is my birth place, but I’m based here in Cape Town. I’m a creative person, personality, writing, performing, I would like to say pianist, soon to be. Poet, performance poet, and yeah, that’s who I am.
What does becoming mean to you?
Becoming to me means not being scared, to let go of the fear, the fear that holds us of facing ourselves. Becoming also means being happy with yourself and breaking down those walls, and those walls are the fears that stop you from being your full self and living to your fullest potential and what yourself and your identity is. That’s what becoming is.
What were the pivotal moments of becoming you? What was the process?
Being a teenager and navigating clothes, style, and fashion is also a part of becoming. I hated shopping for clothes. I loved shopping for food [laughs]. I loved grocery shopping like “Yas, whose gonna eat!” But shopping for clothes was always challenging because I could see the looks my mom was getting from other mothers looking at me and my Che Guevara t-shirt and my khaki shorts and my all-stars. I remember one time my aunts bringing my mom aside and saying, “Yhu, Allison is going to be a lesbian if you don’t watch out, with her clothes, you know?” And my mom was like, “No no, she’s not a lesbian!”. So, that’s why it took so long to come out because from there I just saw the negatives about being yourself. I also struggled with my body when puberty hit - breasts getting bigger, hips getting wider. I covered myself in baggy stuff to hide because I started seeing the attention I was getting and I was feeling uncomfortable and not understanding the language of my body yet. And people started sexualizing my body, even my homies, my male homies would be like “Yoo”, and I was like, can't we just go back to playing, you know? I knew I needed to express myself creatively through clothing, but the stores my mom was taking me to of course only had certain styles. You know I have a very masculine side of myself or the pink pretty dress side and I was like, “Well I’m somewhere in between”. I don’t have the words for it, but eventually I started experimenting more, and I think in that experimentation I started feeling more comfortable even going out to get clothes. It became more exciting - “Oo I can match that with that,” and “oo my all stars with my dress”. I don’t have to wear my all stars with my khakis anymore! I can mix it up.
Why poetry?
You have page poetry, academic style poetry, spoken word, and I know many people hate the word “performance” and the history behind Black people performing, but I see it as a positive, that we are good at performing and creating. I don’t see performance as a bad thing for me as a Black person because I’m really good at it. It became a bad thing when other people started taking money, appropriating, not us having the power. But when I’m on that stage, I have the power, I give and I share. So I use performance poetry.
Why is it important to be who you are?
If I don’t become, then everything ugly about this world wins. It means that I die. So everyday, you choose life, and by choosing life, you choose yourself. And you need to choose yourself cause otherwise the people telling us all these ugly things about ourselves win. And I don’t know much about the creation of the world, who, why I’m here, but I know I’m here. And I’m here, and I need to be here. So, that’s why I need to become because whoever did this, it will be a smack in their face and in my own face if I just don’t live my best life, if I don’t be. But it’s difficult, it’s not easy, but I think once you choose and you choose consciously everyday to choose life, choose yourself, you win.
Read Allison’s full interview here